Skip to content The water has no mind to retain the image cast upon it.
Suffering, according to my understanding, is untranslated desire. Simply put, you wanted something to go left, it went right, and now you suffer in your own mind. The human experience is an intricate tapestry woven with threads of joy and sorrow, fulfillment and disappointment. Yet, amidst this inherent duality, we often find ourselves ensnared in the clutches of suffering – a state of disharmony between our desires and the unfolding reality. To transcend this suffering, we must delve into its origins, understand its nature, and cultivate the art of non-attachment, embodying the fluidity of water in navigating the currents of life.
We often conflate pain and suffering because where there is pain there is suffering, right? WRONG! Pain is inevitable, a natural part of life. Suffering, however, is optional. It’s how we choose to carry our pain. Imagine two individuals facing the same adversity, the loss of employment. One may succumb to despair, their thoughts consumed by anxieties about the future, their sense of self-worth shattered. The other, however, may accept the situation with equanimity, viewing it as an opportunity for growth and new beginnings. This divergence in response highlights the crucial distinction between pain – the shared experience of job loss – and suffering – the optional mental and emotional turmoil that arises from our interpretation of the event. The difference lies in our attachment to outcomes. While pain is an inevitable facet of existence, a visceral response to stimuli that signals potential harm or injury, suffering is a cognitive construct, a layered interpretation of pain filtered through the lens of our desires and attachments.
At the core of suffering lies the dissonance between expectation and actuality. We construct intricate narratives of how life “should” unfold, clinging to these mental constructs with unwavering tenacity. When reality diverges from these self-fabricated narratives, we experience a sense of loss, of thwarted desires, which manifests as suffering. This suffering, often amplified by our inherent aversion to impermanence, can permeate our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being.
The illusion of control further exacerbates our suffering. We believe we can orchestrate the symphony of life, manipulating events to align with our desires. Yet, life, in its inherent dynamism, often defies our attempts at control, leaving us grappling with a sense of powerlessness and frustration.
The four noble truths in Buddhism help us understand the path to liberation from suffering. We will look at them later in the article. Let us use a few practical examples to dissect suffering and the art of letting go. Think about the following statement by Alan Watts:
I am worried. And I ought not to worry. But because I can’t stop worrying, I’m worried because I worry.
– Alan Watts
This perfectly illustrates the cyclical nature of suffering. We worry about worrying, creating a self-perpetuating loop of anxiety. To break free from this cycle, we must cultivate a mindful awareness of our thoughts and emotions, recognizing the futility of clinging to anxieties that only serve to amplify our suffering.
The willow tree, with its flexible branches, bends under the weight of snow, allowing it to effortlessly slide off, while the rigid pine, resisting the natural flow, eventually succumbs to the burden. Similarly, by relinquishing our rigid attachments to outcomes, we liberate ourselves from the weight of suffering, allowing life to unfold with effortless ease. Easy come, easy go, let it come, let it go. If it stays, it stays. The weight of your troubles will drop off you like snow on a willow.
Imagine yourself, not as a static entity, but as water – fluid, adaptable, and ever-changing. Simply water. Imagine yourself being poured into a cup and watch how well you conform to its shape, seamlessly integrating with your surroundings. Imagine yourself being poured into a jug, a bottle, through a straw. Imagine yourself flowing like a stream into a lake, like a lake into an ocean, like water flowing between the cracks of a rock, inside the mouth of a frog, through the gills of a fish, or the mouth of a whale. Encountering an obstacle, you effortlessly flow around it, your essence remaining unchanged. Imagine how free water is. Easy come, easy go. Free flow, free flow. This is the embodiment of non-attachment, the ability to navigate life’s vicissitudes with grace and resilience. Water, in its inherent nature, teaches us the profound wisdom of yielding. The willow tree, with its flexible. Be like water and life’s challenges will meet you walking as if on a stroll.
A river will flow, dam it or not, and if you do dam it, it will overflow.
Shop this transformative collection of poetry on AMAZON and read it on your phone. Also buy from Nuria store.
As I have said, suffering is brought on by the refusal to let go. But letting go does not mean you don’t feel what you need to feel in that moment, be it anger, sadness, crying a river, or turning off the phone and sleeping the whole day, feeling numb and dead inside. Feel what you need to feel. Acknowledge your emotions. Acknowledge the outcome. The danger is when we dwell, and one day of sleeping in turns into a week, then a month, and before you know it, a psychiatrist is giving you a prescription for antidepressants. And suddenly, you who could not let go of the sadness now can’t let go of the idea of happiness. But just because you want to be happy doesn’t mean you will be. Once again, let go.
To have joy, peace, love, you must at the same time let go of it. If you are constantly grasping at it, you either don’t experience it fully or don’t experience it at all.
Again, you suffer because this grasping of what you desire reminds you of the lack of it in your life, and you fill that hole by desiring more, which causes you to suffer more. It is just as dangerous to hold onto fleeting happiness as it is to hold onto sadness.
Here’s a five-step process to guide you on this transformative path:
Letting go is not a passive resignation to fate, but an active process of relinquishing our attachments to outcomes, embracing the present moment, and cultivating a state of mindful acceptance. It is a journey of self-discovery, requiring courage, compassion, and unwavering commitment.
I will give an example from my own experience. The father of my child came into my life to make me a mother, not a wife. My journey towards letting go began with the realization that my desire for a conventional family structure was causing me immense suffering. It felt like a blocked pipe that finally got unblocked, and the water came bursting out with such force from all the pent-up emotions and mental stress that our situation had caused me. It was only when I surrendered to the present moment, accepting the situation without judgment, that I experienced a profound sense of liberation.
This process of letting go was not without its challenges. I navigated a whirlwind of emotions – sadness, anger, grief, and even a sense of betrayal. Yet, by allowing myself to fully experience these emotions, without attempting to suppress or deny them, I gradually began to heal. Like a river breaking through a dam, creative energy surged through me, leading to a renewed passion for writing and a deeper appreciation for the joys of motherhood. I accept what is and what isn’t, and I refuse to miss my current blessing of being a mother over a past that cannot be gotten back. I am here now. No past, no future. Now. And right now? I will love myself and my daughter and love the hell out of this life and the people who have chosen to stay and do this life with us. I will show them my love and show my child how to love the heaven that is this short life.
Some people are brought into your life to help build your dream, and once your dream has come to life, they are taken out of it because it is the only way for you to be able to enjoy that dream.
And then here we are, trying to hold onto the people and things that will see this beautiful dream go to ruins? Shame on us for being the cause of our own suffering. Let go. Let it flow. Be like water.
Do not undervalue the present moment for the past that cannot be lived again. No situation outside of you controls how you feel. You turn those emotions on and off the same way one selects which TV station to watch.
When we fall asleep, we don’t have control of our dreams. Do we wake up and refuse to ever sleep again because of it? No. If anything, we desire to sleep so we can rest. And dream. Perhaps then our subconscious mind longs for an escape to a space where we can freely let go and just be. we relinquish conscious control, allowing our subconscious mind to weave its tapestry of dreams. We don’t resist sleep because of the possibility of nightmares; instead, we embrace it as a necessary respite, a surrender to the unknown. Similarly, by letting go of our attachments and embracing the present moment, we open ourselves to the infinite possibilities that life has to offer.
Mastering the art of letting go is a lifelong practice, a continuous refinement of our ability to navigate the ebb and flow of life with grace and equanimity. Every challenge, every disappointment, every unexpected turn of events presents an opportunity to deepen our practice, to strengthen our resilience, and to cultivate a profound sense of inner peace.
The heaviness in your heart, the persistent anxieties that cloud your mind, are signals calling for surrender. They beckon you to release your grip on the illusion of control, to embrace the fluidity of existence, and to trust in the wisdom of the unfolding universe.
The heaviness in your heart is counting on you to let go.
Read this piece I wrote when I was struggling with letting go:
Buddhism, with its profound insights into the human condition, offers a comprehensive framework for understanding and transcending suffering. The Four Noble Truths, encapsulating the essence of Buddhist philosophy, provide a roadmap for navigating the path to liberation:
The Four Noble Truths offer a framework for understanding the nature of suffering and the path to its cessation. They provide a practical guide for living a more fulfilling and meaningful life, free from the cycle of craving and dissatisfaction and better understanding the human condition.
Lastly, I will introduce another truth about the human condition that I’ll speak about in my next post basing it on the following statement: in the absence of that which you are not, that which you are is not.
Carry the load? Offload? Be like the willow? Be like the pine? Be like water? It’s up to you! Cling to your desires and succumb to the weight of suffering, or embrace the fluidity of existence, surrendering to the currents of life. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is a choice.
If you have reached here, please comment and share your thoughts. I’d love to dig into your mind. What other books would you recommend for me and others to read on the topic? What do you think about this article? If you loved it, share it.
Mentorship – invest in yourself! by kendi karimi
Given the themes of letting go, non-attachment, and finding peace within the present moment explored, here are some empowering book recommendations:
On Buddhist Philosophy and Letting Go:
On Stoic Philosophy and Finding Inner Resilience:
On the Power of the Mind and Self-Compassion:
On Flow and Creativity:
Shop these books locally in Kenya from my favorite bookstore where you will also find copies of my books Nuria Kenya.
Let’s go where the light does not reach. There’s a forest in Japan that swallows sound. Aokigahara, the suicide forest. So quiet you can hear the trees creaking. Mourning those who have gone there to disappear. Compasses don’t work. No roots grow deep in this forest at the base of
Shortlisted For The Wakini Kuria Prize For Children’s Literature in 2021 Mama looked so pretty that day. No one would have suspected that we had slept hungry the previous day. Daddy didn’t come home again but mama didn’t seem too broken down by this that day. When I went out
I My secret is placed on your cheekand mistakes have blown with the windin this place where we’re in a kissI blow you my love, and when it lands on your cheekit’s my heart that next wants a kissit’s my lips that call out to your lipsand my hands are
I have met solitude where sun rays kiss the grass. I have sandwiched myself between that rising of the sun and have found myself overshadowed, still, by the dusk. I have gotten used to this forlorn feeling as a bird is used to a song, its feet to the branch
Copyright © 2024 Kendi Karimi- All Rights Reserved
Email: info@kendikarimi.org
Address: Nairobi, Kenya
Email: info@kendikarimi.org
Address: Nairobi, Kenya
Copyright © 2024 Kendi Karimi- All Rights Reserved
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