Unraveling the Illusion of ‘Myself’: Zen Principles, ‘The Gateless Gate,’ and the Quest for Authentic Identity

“The menu is not the meal.”
― Alan Watts

Disclaimer: I speak from my present level of ignorance.

The problem of ‘myself’ has long perplexed the minds of deep thinkers, captivating the attention of philosophers, spiritual seekers, and individuals throughout history. It presents a profound existential inquiry into the nature of personal identity and its relationship with the world. Let us explore the problem of ‘myself’ through the prism of Zen principles, drawing insights from ‘The Gateless Gate,’ a collection of Zen koans compiled by the revered Zen master Mumon Ekai. We will also incorporate the wisdom of the renowned philosopher Alan Watts and his last book ‘TAO: The Watercourse Way’, and delve into Buddhist teachings, unravelling the complexities of consciousness and selfhood. Through this exploration, I aim to offer a nuanced understanding of personal identity and illuminate the path towards authenticity and this very mysterious ‘I’.

The body is a tuned instrument.

Zen Principles and ‘The Gateless Gate’

Zen, deeply rooted in the Buddhist tradition, offers a distinctive perspective on the problem of ‘myself’ by emphasizing direct experience and the dissolution of dualistic thinking. ‘The Gateless Gate,’ a compilation of Zen koans, provides a rich tapestry of paradoxical stories and statements that challenge our rational minds, propelling us towards direct realization.

In Zen teachings, the self is not viewed as a fixed, separate entity but rather as a fluid and ever-changing phenomenon. The emphasis is placed on recognizing the illusory nature of the ego and the incessant conceptualization that gives rise to a sense of a separate self. Zen practitioners strive to go beyond the conventional distinctions between subject and object, self and other, and instead seek to directly experience the interconnectedness and interdependence of all things.

“We seldom realize, for example, that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society.”

― Alan Watts

“The Gateless Gate,” also known as the “Mumonkan,” is a renowned collection of Zen koans compiled by the Zen master Mumon Ekai in the 13th century. Koans are enigmatic and paradoxical stories, questions, or statements that are intentionally designed to disrupt habitual patterns of thinking and provoke direct insight or realization. They challenge the rational mind, which tends to rely on logical analysis and dualistic distinctions, and instead encourage a direct engagement with the present moment.

By presenting seemingly contradictory or nonsensical scenarios, the koans of “The Gateless Gate” aim to bypass the intellect and penetrate into a deeper level of consciousness. They create a sense of cognitive dissonance, pushing practitioners beyond the limitations of conceptual thought and inviting them to approach reality from a fresh and unconditioned perspective. The intention behind these paradoxical expressions is to induce a breakthrough, an “aha” moment, where the practitioner transcends dualistic thinking and directly experiences the underlying truth.

Gutei’s Finger: Zen master Gutei cuts off his finger when asked a question. This act points to the Zen teaching that truth cannot be conveyed through words and concepts alone.

Baso’s “Mushin”: Baso asks a monk, “What is your original face before your parents were born?” The question points to one’s inherent nature, transcending the concepts of birth and death.

In Zen practice, a student might meditate on the koan by repetitively asking themselves the question, “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” and allowing the question to penetrate their consciousness. The process of contemplation leads them to a point where they can experience a moment of profound insight, often referred to as “kensho” or “satori,” a glimpse of enlightenment.

The aim of Zen practice, inspired by the teachings found in “The Gateless Gate,” is not to provide definitive answers or intellectual understanding, but rather to facilitate a direct experience of truth. This direct realization transcends dualistic notions of self and other, subject and object, and opens the practitioner to a profound sense of interconnectedness and unity with all of existence.

When we break from the Buddhist and enquire from the scientists, the data remains the same. Let’s take the example of the scientist, Itzhak Bentov. Where exactly is consciousness evolving to? This ‘I’…what is it? What’s it’s plan? Where is it going? The enlightened nature isn’t a fixed or separate entity. It’s not something external to attain, nor is it an entity distinct from ordinary experience. It’s not a separate entity to be found somewhere outside of our own experience—it’s the very essence of our being.

Please take some time to watch this video: Itzhak Bentov – From atom to cosmos and feel free to share your thought in the comments section or your personal diary. Whatever helps you reflect.

Stalking reality

First off, what is this ‘I’? I am strong. I am rich. I am hopeless. I am healthy. I am sick. I am who I say I am. However, this ‘I’ is genderless & possessionless, unlike us humans who have to fine-tune ourselves to a modern identity that ‘feels right’ as opposed to a traditional identity that fits. But, what is this ‘I’? This peeking out a window type of curiosity? This lens that’s looking back at me ‘I’?

We are evolving. Consciousness is evolving. Whether we are conscious of the evolution or not, consciousness is evolving. The average set of humans is transitioning to become highly intellectual and the intellectual is transforming to become something we cannot even fathom in our minds thanks to the help of technological advancement.

The concept of ‘myself’ is human, according to me. There is no ‘self’ in nature. Nothing exists in and of itself. We live in an interdependent system that requires each human and ant to pull up its socks. I think, because of our desire for identity, we take this ‘self’ a step further and personify it in so many degrees that it beats nature such that we end up thinking we are above nature because our thinking capacities are higher or we are this or that. That’s the first mistake we make as humans. We are not that special. Sorry to burst your bubble but you’re just as important as a fish is to the ecosystem except you’re cleverer. So, it’s the obligation of the self-imposed ‘self’ that weighs on us and not the actual weight of the ‘self’ that eats us because there is no self.

Koans, the heart of Zen practice, disrupt the linear and conceptual thinking patterns that often confine us. These paradoxical anecdotes, such as the renowned “What is the sound of one hand clapping?”, destabilize our assumptions about reality and invite us to transcend the limitations of duality. By engaging with koans, practitioners are encouraged to bypass conceptual thought and access a direct, non-conceptual understanding of ‘myself’ and the nature of existence.

When a student is given this koan by a Zen master, they are asked to deeply contemplate the question without relying on conventional logic or preconceived ideas. The objective is to experience a moment of profound insight or realization that transcends ordinary dualistic understanding and connects with the true nature of reality.

Some students may attempt to respond to the koan with a clever or witty answer, but the purpose of the koan is to go beyond such intellectual responses and delve into a direct experience of non-duality and unity.

In the process of working with Zen koans, practitioners are encouraged to let go of the desire to find a rational or logical solution. Instead, they are invited to dwell in the question itself, to fully embody and immerse themselves in the koan without grasping for an intellectual answer. Through sustained inquiry and deep contemplation, the practitioner can penetrate the layers of conceptual thinking and directly realize the essence of their own being. The goal of a koan is to help the practitioner break free from conventional thought patterns and reach a higher level of understanding or enlightenment.

The Illusion of a Separate Self

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.

Zen teachings and Buddhist philosophy prominently highlight the illusory nature of a separate and independent self. Alan Watts, a profound interpreter of Eastern philosophy, further illuminates this concept by positing that the self is a social construct perpetuated by language and cultural conditioning. Watts suggests that the notion of ‘myself’ arises from an incessant stream of thoughts, memories, and narratives that we mistakenly identify as our true identity. The illusory nature of the self is often illustrated through concepts such as impermanence (anicca), emptiness (sunyata), and interdependence. These teachings assert that there is no fixed, unchanging essence or soul that defines our identity.

Central to the Buddhist worldview is the recognition of impermanence, or anicca, which posits that all phenomena, whether material or mental, are in a constant state of flux and transience. Consequently, thoughts, emotions, and other mental states are not exempt from this impermanent nature and are subject to continuous change. By acknowledging this characteristic, we begin to undermine the firm grasp of self-identity that typically defines our experience of reality.

As we delve deeper into the implications of anatta, we come to realize that our attachment to a fixed self is a product of our misunderstanding and misperception of reality. This delusion of a separate self, or ego, gives rise to suffering and confusion as it perpetuates a sense of isolation and disconnection from the world and others. By recognizing the fleeting and ever-changing nature of our thoughts and emotions, we gradually dismantle the illusion of a self-contained individual, paving the way for a more profound comprehension of interconnectedness.

At the heart of this understanding lies the profound concept of interdependence, known as pratītyasamutpāda, which asserts that all things are intricately linked and rely on one another for their existence. Nothing exists in isolation, and all elements of existence are interwoven in a complex web of relationships. By comprehending this interconnectedness, we begin to transcend the boundaries that separate us from the external world and recognize the unity that underlies all of existence.

Ultimately, the doctrine of anatta acts as a transformative force, guiding practitioners towards a more authentic experience of reality. By deconstructing the illusion of a fixed self and embracing the impermanence of all phenomena, individuals can liberate themselves from the suffering caused by attachment to an inherently illusory identity. This profound insight into the interconnected and interdependent nature of existence fosters a sense of harmony and compassion, enriching our interactions with others and the world around us. As a result, one’s journey along the Buddhist path becomes a profound exploration of the profound interconnectedness that binds all things together, dissolving the boundaries of self and revealing the inherent unity that permeates all of existence.

Alan Watts delves into this understanding in “Tao: The Watercourse Way,” where he explores the relationship between language, culture, and the construction of the self. He suggests that language plays a significant role in shaping our perception of reality, including our sense of self. Through language, we create narratives and concepts that give rise to a notion of an individual self, separate from others and the world.

Watts argues that this construction of the self through language and cultural conditioning leads to a sense of isolation and separateness. We become entangled in the stories and identities we create, mistaking them for our true essence. He writes, “The ego is nothing other than the focus of conscious attention,” highlighting the idea that the self is a construct that arises from our preoccupation with our thoughts and narratives.

Watts suggests that our sense of self is perpetuated by the constant stream of thoughts and memories that we identify with. He writes, “What we have to discover is that there is no safety, that seeking is painful, and that when we imagine that we have found it, we don’t like it.” This statement points to the inherent dissatisfaction and suffering that arises when we cling to the illusory idea of a separate and independent self.

According to Watts, the key to transcending the illusion of the self lies in recognizing the fluidity and interconnectedness of existence. He suggests that we can break free from the confines of the self-construct by cultivating a state of “no-mind,” where we let go of the incessant stream of thoughts and concepts that reinforce our sense of self. Through direct experience and present-moment awareness, we can glimpse the underlying unity and interconnectedness of all things.

Despite my hesitation to share this, I have chosen to, and I will begin with this quote:

The Tao does nothing, and yet nothing is left undone.

-Lao-tzu

I recently acquired a copy of Alan Watt’s final work, TAO: The Watercourse Way. Six days after I bought the book, I decided t pick it up from the office. I truly could not wait to reach home to read it so I took a peek and the very first page I opened was titled ‘Wu-Wei’. That morning before I left the house, I had been watching a youtube video that explained the concept of Wu-Wei by Alan Watts and had written down in my journal the key takeaways I got from the video.

Was it then any coincidence that the same day I decided to go for the book I bought on impulse and opened a page titled Wu-Wei was the same day I had studied the principle of Wu-Wei and noted it down in my journal? Did my vibration dictate this outcome or is it just pure coincidence? Did I create this event before its occurrence?

WU-BLOODY-WEI!!!!!!!!!!! ME AS MYSELF, DECIDING NOT TO DO ANY OTHER THING OTHER THAN READ AND WRITE, CREATED THIS ‘COINCIDENCE’ THAT HAS REFUSED TO LEAVE MY MIND. WU-BLOODY-WEI!!!

Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.
– Albert Einstein

I do not choose to identify with this scenario as something my ‘self’ created but rather as part of the greater whole. I am here, now what? I am reading this book now, now what? What will come of it? Why am I here reading TAO: The Watercourse Way by Alan Watts? Who for? Why now? Because ‘I’ chose to? Because, in whichever voodoo way, my reading of this book will somehow influence someone or someones, myself included. Why? Who is the big boss that’s running all of this? And why am I doing any of it? And why do I feel so attached to my claim that all I do is an act of ‘me’? Who am I? What is ‘I’? I feel the weight of this word when I say it silently in my mind and heavier still when I speak it out loud. Tryit…

I…I…I…

Buddhist teachings, particularly the doctrine of anatta (no-self), deepen our understanding of the illusory nature of ‘myself.’ According to Buddhism, recognizing the transitory nature of phenomena, including thoughts and emotions, enables us to realize the inherent interconnectedness and interdependence of all things, dismantling the illusion of a separate self.

Seeking Identity Through Isolation: Unraveling the Paradox of Solitude

In the labyrinthine tapestry of human existence, the fervent pursuit of defining our essence through the prism of separation invariably begets the enigmatic specter of loneliness. This paradox, like a clandestine riddle whispered through the corridors of the soul, beckons us to fathom the intricate dance between our innate need for self-identification and the haunting isolation that can emerge from such endeavors.

In our ceaseless quest to demarcate the boundaries of the self, we traverse a treacherous terrain where the impulse to individuate clashes with the profound interconnectedness that underpins the human experience. By seeking to encapsulate our uniqueness in a cocoon of detachment, we inadvertently erect walls that obscure the radiant threads that weave us into the grand tapestry of existence.

The impulse to segregate ourselves from the collective consciousness stems from a noble desire to comprehend our individuality, to discern the colors of our thoughts from the palette of humanity. Yet, it is this very isolation that breeds the gnawing ache of loneliness—an ache that emanates not from a dearth of companions, but from the audacious act of divorcing ourselves from the symphony of life’s interconnected melodies.

Loneliness, then, is a reflection of the paradoxical nature of our endeavors. We yearn to capture our uniqueness, to clothe our existence in the robes of distinction, yet in doing so, we detach ourselves from the pulsating rhythm of existence. Our efforts to delineate ‘I’ inadvertently usher in the shadowed companion of ‘solitude,’ as we stand, isolated, amidst a universe teeming with interwoven stories.

Perhaps, in the deep wellspring of wisdom, lies the recognition that true self-definition arises not through separation, but through connection—a connection that acknowledges the shared humanity in every heart’s whisper, the common longing that reverberates through each soul’s echo. It is in this awareness that we find the antidote to the desolate alleys of loneliness.

In our modern era, where the digital expanse paradoxically links and isolates, the allure of self-definition through differentiation has grown even more potent. Yet, history, philosophy, and the annals of human experience whisper a different revelation—that the path to understanding oneself must traverse the bridges of empathy and recognition, rather than the cul-de-sacs of seclusion.

The enigma of seeking self-definition through isolation unfurls a poignant paradox, inviting us to transcend the confines of separation and embrace the unity that binds us. In this poignant journey, we unearth the truth that loneliness is not merely a void born of physical solitude, but a reflection of the disconnect between our yearning for individuality and the innate unity of all life. As we navigate this tapestry of existential intricacies, we may find that the noble quest for self-understanding blooms most radiantly when we tend to the garden of our interconnectedness.

Consciousness and the Realm of Non-Duality

In the quest to decipher the enigma of human existence, these twin pillars stand as sentinels at the intersection of science, spirituality, and metaphysics. Embarking upon a journey into the depths of consciousness unveils a realm where conventional boundaries dissolve, giving rise to the intricate dance of non-duality.

Consciousness, that elusive phenomenon that grants us self-awareness and an apprehension of the world around us, remains one of the most perplexing puzzles in the grand mosaic of existence. From the vantage point of neuroscience, consciousness is heralded as an emergent property of the intricate web woven by neural circuits. Yet, as our understanding advances, the chasm between the objective machinery of the brain and the subjective tapestry of consciousness widens. The very act of introspection, of observing one’s thoughts and feelings, bears witness to an irreducible quality that eludes reductionist explanations.

Enter the realm of non-duality, an intricate tapestry where the artificial boundaries we impose upon reality crumble into the sands of illusion. Non-duality beckons us to reconsider the dichotomy between self and other, subject and object, mind and matter. It invites us to transcend the dualistic constructs that have shaped our understanding of the world and to embrace the idea that all facets of existence are intimately interwoven, an indivisible whole.

As we delve deeper into the realms of mysticism and Eastern philosophies, we encounter the teachings that have nurtured the saplings of non-duality for millennia. Advaita Vedanta, Zen Buddhism, and Taoism, among others, champion the notion that reality, at its core, is a singular, undivided expanse. They urge us to navigate the labyrinth of our thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions, leading us to an awakening where the illusion of separateness dissolves. In this transcendental state, the individual ego, that beacon of self-centered identification, recedes, revealing a cosmic unity that defies language yet resonates with the symphony of the universe.

The nexus between consciousness and non-duality beckons us to revisit the limits of our perception and cognition. Could it be that our consciousness is not confined to the boundaries of our skull, but rather an interconnected tapestry that permeates the cosmos? The ancient wisdom of non-duality converges with modern theories in physics, such as quantum entanglement, which suggest that particles can instantaneously communicate irrespective of distance. Might this phenomenon reflect a deeper connectivity, a reflection of the non-dual fabric of reality?

At its core, quantum entanglement describes a unique correlation that can exist between two or more particles, such as electrons, photons, or even atoms. When particles become entangled, their quantum states become intertwined in a way that the state of one particle instantaneously influences the state of another, regardless of the physical distance between them. This connection occurs even if the particles are light-years apart, an effect that Albert Einstein famously referred to as “spooky action at a distance.”

To understand this concept, envision two particles, let’s call them Particle A and Particle B, that have interacted and become entangled. Their entanglement means that their properties, like spin, position, or polarization, are inextricably linked, regardless of the distance that separates them. Crucially, the quantum states of these particles exist in a superposition, meaning they are in a blend of all possible states simultaneously until measured or observed.

Upon measuring the state of Particle A, a curious and remarkable phenomenon occurs: its state “collapses” into a specific value. Instantaneously, the entangled Particle B’s state also collapses into a corresponding value that complements Particle A’s state, even if Particle B is light-years away. This instantaneous correlation is what defies our classical understanding of cause and effect, as it seems to suggest a form of communication that transcends the constraints of spacetime. Quantum entanglement challenges our intuition and raises profound questions about the nature of reality. It pushes us to confront the limitations of our conventional understanding of how the universe works. The phenomenon’s implications extend beyond physics, with potential applications in quantum computing, cryptography, and even the exploration of the fundamental nature of space and time.

Consciousness stands at the heart of the problem of ‘myself’ and its exploration. Zen teaches us that consciousness is not separate from the objects of perception but is intricately intertwined with them. When you look at a plant, you are looking at yourself. It emphasizes direct experience, unmediated by conceptual thought, as the key to unlocking profound insights. By relinquishing attachment to the narrative of ‘me’ and ‘mine,’ we open ourselves to a more expansive awareness beyond the confines of individual identity. However, I do feel that this unlocking cannot be achieved without the full state of presence.

Cleve Backster was a researcher known for his controversial work in the field of “primary perception” or “biocommunication,” which suggested that plants and other organisms might have some form of awareness or ability to perceive human thoughts or intentions. One of Backster’s most well-known experiments is the “Backster Effect,” which he claimed demonstrated that plants can respond to human thoughts. In the experiment, Backster attached electrodes to a plant’s leaves to measure its electrical activity. He claimed that the plant showed unusual electrical patterns in response to his thoughts about harming the plant, even before any physical action was taken. It is important to mention that while Cleve Backster’s work is intriguing, it has not gained acceptance in the broader scientific community due to concerns about experimental design, lack of reproducibility, and the absence of a plausible scientific explanation. I say, some things are hard to explain, like God for example, and this ‘I’ we’ve been talking about.

Like two streams merging into a single river, consciousness and non-duality converge to illuminate the uncharted frontiers of reality. In this sacred union, we find not only the enigma of our own being but also the whispered secrets of the cosmos, inviting us to contemplate the ineffable mysteries that continue to beckon humanity’s quest for knowledge and wisdom.

“We are living in a culture entirely hypnotized by the illusion of time, in which the so-called present moment is felt as nothing but an infintesimal hairline between an all-powerfully causative past and an absorbingly important future. We have no present. Our consciousness is almost completely preoccupied with memory and expectation. We do not realize that there never was, is, nor will be any other experience than present experience. We are therefore out of touch with reality. We confuse the world as talked about, described, and measured with the world which actually is. We are sick with a fascination for the useful tools of names and numbers, of symbols, signs, conceptions and ideas.”
― Alan Wilson Watts

Buddhist teachings on emptiness and interbeing further elucidate the non-dual nature of consciousness. Emptiness, often misunderstood as a void, refers to the absence of inherent, separate existence in all phenomena. It invites us to perceive reality beyond the confines of conceptualization and to embrace the fluid nature of existence. Interbeing, as popularized by Thich Nhat Hanh, emphasizes the interconnectedness of all life forms, urging us to recognize that ‘myself’ is intricately woven into the fabric of existence.

By applying Zen principles to the problem of ‘myself,’ we embark on a transformative journey towards unraveling the illusory nature of personal identity. Engaging with the enigmatic koans of ‘The Gateless Gate,’ we transcend the confines of dualistic thinking and directly experience the dissolution of a separate self. Drawing insights from Alan Watts and Buddhist philosophy, we come to understand that ‘myself’ is a construct perpetuated by language and cultural conditioning. Through embracing the interdependent and non-dual nature of consciousness, we dismantle the boundaries that perpetuate the illusion of ‘myself’ and embark on a path towards authenticity and genuine self-discovery.

The interconnectedness of all things

“You are a function of what the whole universe is doing in the same way that a wave is a function of what the whole ocean is doing.”

In terms of interconnectedness, there is a fundamental unity between all things in the universe, including human beings and rocks. This unity is expressed through the concept of interdependence, which suggests that all things are interconnected and interdependent on each other.

For example, rocks are an essential part of the Earth’s ecosystem and provide the foundation for many life forms to exist. They play a critical role in the water cycle by acting as a natural filter, and they also help to regulate the temperature of the Earth’s surface.

Similarly, human beings are interconnected with the natural world and depend on it for our survival. We rely on the Earth’s resources for food, water, and shelter, and our actions can have a significant impact on the environment and other living organisms.

In terms of consciousness, the interconnectedness between all things in the universe suggests that there is a universal consciousness that permeates all of creation. This idea is expressed in various philosophical and spiritual traditions, such as Hinduism, Buddhism, and Taoism, which all suggest that there is an underlying unity and interconnectedness to all things in the universe.

Colossians 1:17: "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

“The more a thing tends to be permanent, the more it tends to be lifeless.”

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“Try to imagine what it will be like to go to sleep and never wake up… now try to imagine what it was like to wake up having never gone to sleep.”
― Alan Watts

British businessman Hamish Harding, Pakistani billionaire Shahzada Dawood, his son Sulaiman Dawood, French diver Paul-Henri Nargeolet and Stockton Rush, the CEO and founder of the company leading the expeditions for the RMS TITANIC Mission, Ocean Gate, what were they really truly discovering? And in their final moment before the explosion, did they realize it? When I say they went looking for themselves, what do I mean?

Relevant Quotes

No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.
Heraclitus

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
Lao Tzu

I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion.
Alexander the Great

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
Benjamin Franklin

“A scholar tries to learn something everyday; a student of Buddhism tries to unlearn something daily.”
― Alan Watts

A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week. George S. Patton

Life is too short for long-term grudges.
Elon Musk

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.
Margaret Mead

I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.
Rabindranath Tagore

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. John Lennon
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.
Muhammad Ali

Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.
George S. Patton