A Praise, A prayer

I am a mere mortal, tested every day in every which way. I know I cannot escape these trials and temptations for how else am I supposed to evolve? But how, dear Lord, can I escape hurting you? How can I escape sinning? I do not want to go after anything that does not please you. Let your hand write on every piece of paper I touch, let your presence be felt at the result of a wondrous piece of art. I know no other way to be except the way in which you made me so please understand me dear Lord or change my thinking. I leave you the fabric of my mind for you to knit.

Give me humility so as not to exaggerate the truth but stick firmly to it, giving the devil no quarter nor mercy. Let small things not affect me. Can I instead be moved by the comfort that comes with speaking and living my truth? A truth to which all humans should only hope to ever taste.

Let not the gold of earth blind me, nor anything that is neither true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praise worthy. Allow me to express myself and say to you that I am happy for my accomplishments thus far, grateful to have another day with so many other possibilities, understanding very clearly that I have never walked alone for you had never left my side.

I woke up dear Lord, and I pray for forgiveness for all the years I wasted on trivial things. All the days I slept for entire weeks in a row doing nothing that makes you happy. A pruning was necessary to catalyze growth and I accept whatever is on my way for I know your heart; a heart filled with nothing but goodness, no malice or resentment or any ill will, a heart belonging to a God that only ever wants good for his people.

I fail miserably in keeping my head above the water and often, I forget to thank you for my troubles but dear Lord, thank you for every grain of pain I had to endure, for look who I am now. Look at what I chase now. Help me dear Lord, if you know I can do all that you have planned for me, all that is good and right, by your will, fulfilling and happy, if I can pursue and succeed, then Lord, help me do so. Instill in me every single quality I need to become the person I should be. Allow me room to discover, God please forgive tomorrow’s sins. Remind me always. Bring me back if ever I forget at that very moment as anger, despair, hate or the like begin to rise. Be with me as you have always been and give me the courage to always choose the truth.

I seek to exist in unbroken fellowship with you, tied to the heavens like a string to its shoe. Show me how I can do that. Lift every veil that blinds me and shatter it to pieces unknown. Give me a heart that listens, a mind that understands, eyes that observe and objective ears.    

I lust for one that is not mine. How can I overcome this sin? I seek him like I have done others before. I am ashamed of my actions yet if he messages me this minute, God, I would fall into the temptation of dancing with the devil. I know these are horrendous and lugubrious things, but I ask for forgiveness for them still. Impart wisdom in my actions. Let me see the bigger picture. Let me attract all that is right for me. Father, I let go of the steering wheel. Take all control.

If it rains today and snows tomorrow, what say do I have in that? Whether the ocean dries up today or a loved one dies tomorrow, what can I do except continue to worship you? I care not to be carried away by things I cannot change, for the higher power will play its role, just as I should focus on mine. Anxiety is a disease for those who never cease to please everyone else but the only one who can cure the disease. It’s one for the books; a making of our own, and for a healer, to each his own. For if my faculties are well represented, then so is everything else. And if I am aware of the fact that I can surrender in such tense situations, I promise you this, only I and my fellow awakened will pull us out of it, for silence breeds awareness, which in turn breeds connection.

If it rains, so be it. It is simply out of my control. If I rage over gossip I hear about myself, assume the worst in every situation, fear to take the leap because there is no visible landing, rehearse arguments, call my friends to complain and scheme, wallow in self-pity and hence, in all these things, misery, then make me aware before I tip over and slap the handcuffs on the culprit.

May all things, regardless, happen in accordance to your will. Amen.